marți, 1 iunie 2010

Wars (12.04.2010)

"Don't go!", she wanted to scream. She wanted to yell it, let the pain and fear leave her heart at the same time the words left her lips. But she couldn't. It wouldn't be fair to him, to either of them. She couldn't just pass him her fears and sorrow, she's not that selfish. She didn't want him to know how much she hated what he had to do, chose to do. She wasn't allowed to be against it, he wanted that and who is she, to be mad at that, to think it's wrong? She knew she couldn't blurt it out, and she didn't. But that was as far as her self control went. There was no way she could stop herself from thinking that, though.
"Stay with me!", she wanted to cry, but she didn't. She was restraining herself so much, she thought she was going to sprain her heart.
"Why do you have to go?", but the answer to that question was already known by her. They each have to fight their own battles, and by themselves. They can only support each other along the way.
"Why does it have to be like this?", but she wouldn't want it any other way. Because if that was the fairytale's reality check, then they both still drew the luck straw. If this was what ruined the perfection, then they still have some left in each other and the way they click : so good, so right, so perfect.
So many things she wanted him to know, but without her saying them. So much she wanted to say, but she couldn't give life to any. She wanted to cry, she thought something was wrong with her when she couldn't. Yet as they said their goodbyes, she broke down, cracked like a fragile, thin piece of glass. She chocked on the tears that came out with a cry, a cry full of pain, fear, desperation.
Goodbye ... and their wars began. Each on his own different path, but with an ending that will measure up to the fights, and ending fit for their wars, and ending in each other's arms. And knowing that gave them enough strenght to march in the battle, knowing how sweet what waits them on the other side is.

Come back safe, private ... she's waiting.