vineri, 6 noiembrie 2009

Lonely hope

She was staring blankly out the window. Her gaze focused now and then on the trees, the buildings, the raindrops on the window. But her gaze was changing.
Her eyes sparkled with happiness and joy, with sadness and sorrow, with maturity and childness. The only constant taste, that never left the dancing and changing sparkles
in her eyes, was hope. Sometimes dirty, muddy, corupted hope, at times pure and wishful, yet hope nevertheless.
She kept wondering what the next day will bring, what the future will be like. She tried hard to think of the present and hope for the future, yet her recent past left deep
scars that still bleeded. It was a rough road that still hadn't ended. She learned a lot of useful lessons that will help her during her lifetime, but at what cost? She learned them by herself,
experienced them in the hardest of times. Not pleasant feelings, those of loneliness, abandonment and fear. She had times when she thought the wounds had healed,
but when she crashed into another wall and felt another brick fall on her, she felt the wounds bleed again, harder and faster with every new blow. What could she do? Just wipe it away and hope it will stop.
As she was pressing her face against the cold hardness of the glass, she felt lonely and misunderstood. Two feelings that have been present constantly for the last year.
She's starting to learn how to deal with them, yet it still surprises her every now and then.
One lesson that she learned was that you can never count on anybody, no matter what and who, it will always end in painful dissapointment. Yet this knowledge seemed to make
her feel less depressed as time passed by. She's learning how to smile again. She's learning that as long as she still has herself, the game goes on, the road doesn't end.
As long as she still has herself, there is still hope.... sometimes dirty, muddy, corupted hope, at times pure and wishful, yet hope nevertheless.

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